I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
