I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
this will be a night to untag.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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