I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
