Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
