Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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