Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I have fence marks all over my body
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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