My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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