Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She's the barista slut.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
