forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
