How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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