she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
