and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
