Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
