Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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