I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
