My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
