Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
