woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
