I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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