I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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