Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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