can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
