it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
