his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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