Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
