Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
