sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize