I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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