hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
