i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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