i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
