Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
it glows. i had to have it.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
