thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
