he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
