i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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