He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
