Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
