Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
