do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize