Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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