Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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