you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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