i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
