remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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