I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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