peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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