shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
