i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
