I showed him my bush... on skype.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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