Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
