3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
