All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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