I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
