im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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