i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
