so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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