we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
