Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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