So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
