This girl is more easily done than said...
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
