The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize