last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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