Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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