i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
