So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
