I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
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