my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
