put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
