you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
