I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
