Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
