spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
