Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
