Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
