Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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