I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
