Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
