I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
